Decided To Start Meditating Again

Due to the circumstances of events which occurred later last week (or rather to be more direct yesterday) I decided to spend an increased amount of time improving myself. For starters I made it a goal to go upstairs at least of 8:45. I was initially successfully at this until an even more recently happening has resulted me to blog this evening. The last time I I actually recall meditating was back in freshmen year of college which resulted in me essentially breaking down in tears by the end of the session. Needless to say the results were some what similar tonight in terms of drastic my reaction was.

I began meditating around 8:25 with deep breathing for the first part of the session. Once I begin to feel light head or rather to the point that my mind was clear I focused on absolutely nothing. This is always a satisfying feeling so I had no complaints on that note. The initially issue occurred when I started to feel a pressure in my head. It wasn't necessarily a headache it was more so just tense feeling in the forefront. Instead of trying to release the pressure I decided to concentrate on applying additional pressure to it. It wasn't necessary painful but it did feel a great deal tense and it slowly began to move to what it felt like my arms and torso. After it built up to a point I let it go but was unable to locate it again.

For a period I attempted to locate it again eventually found it but this time I decided to let it go. This created a feeling as though my pulse was beginning to slow down which was a bit interesting. This next part is a tad bit weird and probably due to me losing focus. While my eyes were still closed (in my head) I looked to my right and saw a figure that was cloaked in black. Instantly I knew it was me simply because he/she was about my height and spoke of locating the numbness again. While I must admit it was an interesting feeling and like most humans if I could harness its power it might be a great deal helpful. The timidness eventually subsided and I agreed that I wish to locate it again. At this point the pressure came from both sides of my head in which I began to focus on it. Though not much time was allowed as my cell phone went off which ironically was my mom. I ignored it.

Once the meditation session was complete I felt...to be honest a bit frighten but I wasn't sure exactly why. I was afraid to touch things, too concerned about sitting down and the idea of lying in my bed was simply unheard of. Evening lying on the floor seemed a peril. Though after talking to myself for a short bit I finally lied on the floor and began to ramble about my experience. Which made me instantly think of my blog and come down stairs to write the information. Oddly enough I'm already looking forward to my next session but all the same...a bit worried. While last year I was able to learn how to blank out my thoughts on command thus clearing my head of all thought along with suppressing my emotions strong mental control I'm unsure where this path will lead me. Its one of my 2012 goals to learn more about myself so will see soon enough.

For now I'm going to attempt to climb into my bed again and obtain some rest. Good night all!