Overall today has been a bit of a downer that kind of carried out for a large portion of my day. Not sure why but thoughts I usually don't think about a great deal seem to manifest themselves within me and caused a bit of sadness if anything slight depression. Though I wouldn't really call it depression as it only lasted for about 6-8 hours tops but then again not sure if there's a predefined time limit for feeling bummed. Thoughts along the lines of 'will I ever find myself comfortable, stationary for more than 1 year at at time?', 'after achieving my goal of obtaining a new position to learn new things where do I go from there'...I mean for this one the obvious answer is keep learning but that involves staying put. Not to mention I must confess the idea of obtaining a house has taught me but after moving around so much I'm not sure if I could. Equally what if say a year from now I'm no longer interested in sticking with my current position and wish to move about.
Of course there's always apartments which I'm strongly looking into now but the three choices are entirely up in the air (one with a friend that wants to stay put for 3+ years, another with an individual I would like to help reduce cost as living in the West End by yourself is a pain on cost and the last option with one friend and the other person I don't really know)...but that's a rant for a different day as they each have their respective pros and cons.
Not only this but there was also the thought of 'do people actually enjoy hanging out with me or is it more of a pacification'. I must admit in these past weeks I just waited for invitations for hanging out but it doesn't seem like people are keen to set-up stuff. In the past I usually did these sort of things but of course like the limited sanity person I am wanted to experiment. I've found as of recent I'm no longer the creature that doesn't mind being by himself. Then again I reflected back on this point and starting to realize this creature rarely existed with the exception of some periods in middle school, summer internship and...that's about it. There were times in which I lived by myself and such however I was playing WoW then and it satisfied my social needs, yes my social needs are simplistic.
The recently board game addiction has to be taken into account to as playing board games by yourself can be rather boring or entertaining. Given yes there's the pile of steam games that I need to finish playing through but I'm not really in any hurry to finish that up. Finish my steam list would be some what similar to sitting down and saying "I'm going to read the Koran/Bible/War and Peace in one sitting" it simply won't happen and if anything burn yourself out more as a result. Though this is not the exclude the fact that Greed Corp has been receiving a bit more attention then usually.
Not sure if I recall anything else that had been lurking about in my head. I'm sure by typing all this the rest of the thoughts went into a corner in the back of my head plotting a new day to strike. Eurodance did get a bit of it out my head but then it seemed to re manifest back and forth based on the song I was listening too. For songs that revolved around freedom, happiness, uplifting, music, vibes and all the wonderfully stuff a grin would spread across my face and I would be quite cheerful. Though when songs about relationships, explicit hints of various activities, 'hitting up some girl' it just made me go 'blah' over the whole thing. Decided at that point to either keep listening till it got better, in which case it really didn't and switch to listening to "Lord of the Rings".
As for the actually day itself like i said not too great. I started running out of work to do so I'm finding myself obtaining work that's outside the project I'm suppose to be working on and finding a lot of tickets which are put on hold as a result. Which of course makes me feel a bit useless even though its not my concern. Not a huge fan of road blocks I much prefer to keep pushing forward as far as I can and when I see a wall to plow through it...can do that here.
I did eventually cheer up though as I talked to myself in the car and that seem to get a bit of the bog out but the one thing that really cheered me up was when i was passing by a 7-11. There was a postal truck being towed away there. To be honest I had never seen a postal truck being towed before it seemed quite odd. This immediately caused me to burst into laughter and keep a smile on my face for the rest of the trip. It was just too awesome I mean...if it had been any other type of car I probably would have shrugged it off but a postal truck...too good :).
Once I got home I watched a quick HoNcast match and I have DB Kai 96, Super Ghost and Ghouls along with EarthBound speed runs all ready and avaliable for watching. I might go out and walk for a bit before it gets too dark before I begin watching these. That's about it for now..oh wait.
The only other variable I can consider that brought me down was delaying my blog or expressing my thoughts as much as I wished to which could have potentially lead to mental back up. Not 100% sure on this theory but throwing it out there. Definitely glad I blogged today :).
Anywho now I'm out la ta
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