And now for somethign completely different.

Changed my mind about blogging about today. One thing I've noted in my blog a couple times was the fact that I don't really do much in the sense of just outward thought 0n topics that happen to come to mind. So for a brief period I'm going to sit down and rant a particular topic. Not sure exactly what it is yet but by the time I finish writing this I should have something solid in mind... ah I has it!

Exploration Outside The Bubble:

Sometimes I can't tell my tail from my head. Ever been in one of those scenarios where you have multiple sets of friends you hang out with and you try to be yourself yet you feel that as a person people should constantly evolve and not remain static. When I first thought this thought it didn't make much sense as well, heck even re-reading it seems the wording could be better. Equally I guess it varies on each person definition of 'friend(s)'.

I defined friends as people who on a psychological level can get along and maintain a steady flow of conversation. This along with sharing general interest along with spreading said interesting for betterment or entertainment of the other individual. There's probably more substance I could add to it but based on just conversations and playing board games its good enough for me :). I'm still not a fan of 'watching' stuff with the exception of some niche shows (anime, animated series, citcoms etc). To me viewing something with a group of friends honestly kind of feels like an improperly utilization of time or void feeler per se.

True you have the opportunity to see their reaction and so forth but to me its kind of like going to a movie on a first date. You don't really learn more about the person and you both know you had a good time learning about someone else's creative image you both agree on. Then again there's always going to be that conflict view of 'hanging out'. For example a good friend of mine strongly dislikes games and doesn't see the point of 'pretending' to be something. My small child with an imagination cries on the inside at the thought of this as pretending is a prime source of creativity imo. However I feel that if you pretend to be someone else creation for too long you really hindering your own creativity.

To get back to my point I sometimes look at the individuals I hang out with and think 'what are they doing to better themselves', 'can they honestly look back at themselves 3-5 years from now and really notice a significant change in their life'. It reminds me of an individual at putt-putt I original saw about 4-5 years ago and he would always go to this one machine play the same game and then joke at me for playing ddr. On one note I kind of look down on him and think 'Is this seriously all you've been doing for this long' then I look at myself from his perspective. He sees this Blackican (inside joke) playing ddr, disappeared for a bit but his still playing. So am I much better than he is in terms of progressing. I can't judge him cause I don't know who he is as a person or what he does. Equally him same with me with his shrew comments.

So thus I find myself looking at the group of people I hang out with and thinking 'am I cool with this'. In college I've had a thirst for knowledge but it kind of died after working at Capital One and re-sparked recently in the last year or so. In the words of Scatman John 'I wanna be a human being, not a human doing', I just want to live to learn and not become mundane. Though then again I could be interpreting those lyrics incorrectly and slowly becoming that human doing by just constantly doing stuff. There's that one aspect in life where you have to just sit down and appreciate it. It is something I don't do a great deal and certain not recently with the job transition, re-learning SQL, hanging out with friends and the various other activities.

Though I do feel that I found a group of individual that shared a progressive sense of mind that I would either thoroughly enjoy it or become more like a machine of a typically schedule system. Its part of the reason I don't like my schedule now due to the fact that its very clockwork. Almost systematic. On the plus side though I don't have to work on the weekends now so I'm free to openly dumb all my thoughts into this blog. Something I haven't done in a quite sometime.

However back on topic I feel to find a group like that would be difficult. One in which enjoys learning new things on a constant basis and enjoys RP/Board Game elements. There's a group in Fredericksburg that kind of has that mindset that I would love to hang out with but the distance is a bit much. Unfortunately a perfect world does not exist just yet though I wouldn't mind building one that's fairly close to it. Its also like the one eyed jacque crew where it would be interesting to give it ago once and see how it goes. I'm definitely a promoter of the "don't dis it till you try it' arts. There's some areas where I'm a hypocrite say for example smoking, drinking, amongst others. Those are mainly from seeing other family members trend down those paths and I wasn't quite pleased with the results that reflected on them. Pretty much an automatic 'no-no' in my book.

Guess its some food for thought for now which could also reflect back on the whole 'If I find 'x' then what next' which seems to be a problem for me at times. For the most part though in the last year I think I've solved it as there's a large pile of books I want to trend though and I don't mind spending a small chuck of my day reading through them...then again after 4 years of college I said I would be content working 40 years at one place and that's totally changed lol. Speaking of which reflecting on my old job that got rid of 2 more people...which makes their turn around about 1 person every 1-2 months...kind of sick imo. Equally though I hope I never have to go back there will see though the future is never promised.

Kind of drawing blanks now about 'going beyond the bubble' covered current group of friends and how they can't exactly satisfy my thirst for knowledge along with a single alternative. I'm sure there's more but I've picked my brain a good bit and will call it their :). Thanks for reading if you did if not thank you blog for accepting my thoughts to the internet.